Planning a Wedding with a Brave Heart

Written By Liliana Panameno

In weddings and in life, sometimes it's really hard to do what you know is right in your heart.

If anyone knows about navigating internal conflict with grace and authenticity, it’s Alea Lovely. She’s faced everything from relationship problems in her first marriage to leaving a career she loved but no longer served her.

Alea entered the wedding industry as a photographer but moved on to become an energy coach and the host of the Spiritual Shit podcast. She helps create space for folks to heal themselves emotionally and lead authentic lives from the heart. 

As you are planning your wedding, you may encounter situations where you are faced with tough choices. Knowing how to take time and create space for yourself or for others’ emotions can go a long way toward planning a wedding from the heart.  Alea shares insightful tips for navigating such situations.

Maintain Empathy for Yourself (and Others)

As you navigate your wedding journey it is important to be mindful of how emotionally heightened this moment in your life is. Creating time and space for empathy can help manage those heightened emotions. 

Just like Dr. Janice Z Gassam-Asare, Alea believes the key to planning a wedding with authenticity and heart is within the framework of empathy, for yourself and others. 

Like Janice, Alea defines empathy as the ability “to feel what someone else is feeling,” but she also believes skillful empathy is “feeling someone's feelings without becoming enmeshed.” The last part is really important when it comes to being able to maintain healthy emotional distance, while at the same time being able to hold space for others’ emotions. It’s the key to being able to navigate complex emotions and still enjoy the wedding planning process as well as your big day. 

Here are some things you can do to prevent yourself from ‘becoming enmeshed’ in your empathy:

  • Know your limits: Understand your boundaries, and know and communicate your limits. Figure out what you can take on and what you can’t. Meditating and spending time alone can help you identify your boundaries and give you insights for communicating them (see below). Knowing your limits and recognizing the signs that you are reaching your limits can help you avoid wedding planning burnout. 

  • Respect your boundaries: Once you know your limits, make a habit of honoring them, and ask others to honor them as well. Have as many conversations as you need to around your boundaries so you can set realistic expectations with others. This will not only set you up for wedding planning success, it will set your loved ones up for success, too. 

  • Don’t take on burdens that aren’t yours: Everyone has a lot going on, but it is important to remember that you don’t need to be everything for everyone. Part of honoring your boundaries is knowing when to step back. You can’t fix everything so don’t take on their emotions. 

Navigating Challenging Situations with Heart

Weddings can dredge up many emotions, both good and bad. Navigating this time can be hard. It can also feel especially draining for the people getting married. While you probably can’t totally prevent your wedding from being an emotional moment in your life, there are steps you can take to make sure you are prepared to move through those emotions with grace. 

Alea discusses the importance of creating space for yourself and your emotions. If you just push through this time without giving yourself that space, your body will often respond physically with anything from a small breakout to a disruption in your hormones. This would only add more stress to your wedding day, so here are some tips on how to create space for yourself and others to avoid that stress: 

  • Spend time with yourself.  Quality alone time leads to insight and wisdom, which help you to make decisions that are heartfelt and right for you.  Alea suggests meditation for really connecting with yourself. Think meditation is sitting still and trying not to think about anything? Think again. Alea wants you to know that meditation looks different for everyone.

“It can look like laundry. It can look like washing the dishes, taking a good bath, etc. Those kinds of things are ways in which we’re able to connect back to our spirit.” 

The time you take for yourself  will give you the grace and patience you need to provide yourself and those around you with empathy. 

  • Deepen Relationships through Communication.: Open and honest communication is key to building trust and deepening relationships. Relationships can seem to change drastically during wedding planning. By keeping in touch with the relationships that are important to you, it's easier for you to create space for both yourself and the people who mean the most to you. It’s from this place of empathy for yourself and others that you’re able to communicate effectively with friends, family, and your partner, creating spaces of mutual trust and deepening your most beloved relationships. 

While it’s true that wedding planning can be hectic and rife with heightened emotions for everyone, with some extra self-care and mindfulness, you will set yourself up for a truly magical wedding day. 

Where to find Interviewee

Liliana Panameno
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